Personalised Couples Counselling: Helping You Strengthen Your Bond or Find Closure
My service is unique in that I offer my therapeutic skills combined with couples coaching work. You will come away with clarity and understanding both for each other and within yourselves.
I have worked with clients for many years but found that it was working with couples which really ignited my passion. I could see the life-changing benefits which couples were gaining through coming to therapy, and so I decided to specialise within this field. I have always had a natural ability to understand, empathise and attune with people, responding to their emotions and needs sensitively and intuitively.
I have overcome my own personal struggles in life and used therapy myself to understand how negative life experiences can play such a significant role in how we relate to people as adults.
I have learnt how my early childhood experiences have impacted my romantic relationships, and how I can move from avoiding intimacy to now being in a deep and loving relationship. I can now proactively express my feelings, communicate challenging emotions, and know that it is always ok to speak my truth
The outcomes that can be expected from our work together include:
About couples counselling
Couple counselling is different from individual counselling because it focuses on the relationship between the couple, rather than the therapist and the individual. I have noticed that couples come to therapy needing help and solutions straight away; therefore, my couples counselling approach is more robust than individual, and much more emphasis is put into strategies personal to you both.
My service has become popular because I am aware that couples are not looking for quick fixes that do not last. They want to gain the critical tools needed to create a lifelong connection.
Throughout my career as a couple’s counsellor, I have developed successful strategies that help couples in a crisis and enable them to quickly discover if they truly want to be together. Clients can expect significant improvement within 6 to 12 sessions of working together.
What you can expect
Relationship counselling is an opportunity to enhance communication between the couple and to gain a deeper level of understanding as to why dynamics occur and repeat themselves. When two individuals enter a relationship, they carry with them unconscious scripts from their past which can affect their present way of relating. Couples can trigger each other unintentionally and thus arguments may arise.
I can help you to find healthy ways of interacting and getting in touch with your truth within the relationship. As a therapist, my role is to remain neutral, and non-judgemental, with whatever each person may bring. I trained with Relate, where I acquired my level 5 certificate in couples counselling and have helped numerous couples navigate the challenges that a relationship can bring.
My counselling appointments are all held at a regular time each week. I offer an initial free phone conversation to answer any questions you may have, and for you to get a feel for how I work as a therapist.
I offer proven and highly successful strategies which will help you overcome the challenges and issues you may be facing.
Addressing Resentments and Communication Breakdown
When communication falters, resentment often takes root. This unresolved resentment can lead to incorrect assumptions about our partner’s intentions. These assumptions rarely reflect the reality of the situation.
Our approach starts with addressing the resentments that have accumulated over time. This involves engaging in open dialogue within a therapeutic environment. We may also write down our grievances and how they have impacted us, sharing these insights with each other during our sessions.
We also create space to examine the assumptions that arise when communication fails.
Navigating Emotional Dynamics: Ego States, Drama Triangle, and Winner’s Triangle
Improving Communication and Understanding Love Languages
Communication breakdowns can be both frustrating and damaging. In our sessions, we focus on effective communication strategies, including how we approach each other and the quality of our listening.
After addressing the core issues, we explore the Five Love Languages, a concept introduced by Gary Chapman. These languages represent the various ways people give and receive love. When our primary love languages are not being fulfilled, we may feel unappreciated and neglected. By understanding and adapting to each other’s love languages, couples can quickly rebuild feelings of connection and safety.
Guiding You Through the Impact of an Affair
When a couple seeks help after discovering an affair, we approach the situation with care and understanding. First, we address the immediate pain, shock, and distress that comes with learning about the betrayal. Once we’ve worked through these intense emotions, we can then delve into the specifics of the affair.
Affairs can take different forms. An emotional affair involves forming a deep emotional connection with someone, often through frequent messaging, without ever meeting in person. A physical affair involves physical intimacy with another person, which might be purely physical without any emotional attachment, and the partner may not even know the other’s name. Sometimes, an affair includes both emotional and physical elements.
Realising that your partner has been unfaithful is extremely hurtful and distressing. We’ll work through this together to help you heal and eventually rebuild trust.
The partner who has been betrayed often wants to understand the reasons behind the affair. Responses like, “I don’t know why it happened, but it won’t happen again,” can be unhelpful and may only scratch the surface of the real issues.
I can support you in understanding what led to the affair by examining what was happening in your relationship before it occurred and identifying any communication gaps. We won’t focus on the specifics of the affair with the other person, but rather on improving the dynamics within your relationship.
Once we’ve worked through the pain and gained clarity, we can move forward with strengthening and enhancing your relationship.
These are some of the issues that bring us to couples counselling:
My approach with couples is to provide you with practical solutions within the sessions we have together, in addition to exercises you can both work on at home with each other. These will help shift you out of the negative loop that couples can find themselves
I offer a free 15-minute phone consultation for you to get a sense of how I work as a therapist and to answer any questions you may have.
Please contact me for more information or to book your first session using the following methods, or visit my contact page
Call/Text: 07846 477726
paul@pauljamescounselling.co.uk